


Deserved

by Luxwinggo



Series: Deserved [1]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood, Canon-Typical Violence, First Fic!, Gen, God what a sappy happy ending it is, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Serious Injuries, but he just wants to punch, he has two fists let him kill them twice, hey guys welcome to my suffer hole where we hurt our faves to deal with some personal issued, if its angus angst...is it angstus, magnus makes some fisting jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-03
Updated: 2018-04-03
Packaged: 2019-04-18 02:59:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14203569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luxwinggo/pseuds/Luxwinggo
Summary: "There was something about this pain that made him think that...somehow, he deserved this."Feeling a familiar pain can bring back old memories. The ones that you've tried to forget. The ones that you didn't want to define who you are now. The ones that convinced you that you deserved nothing but that pain.Ango suffers but his new friends help remind him that he's not alone.





	Deserved

 

Angus could hear screaming. The loud sounds of metal striking together. Heavy footsteps moving around him. The voices and sounds all seemed to swim together in his brain and hit him like a warhammer repeatedly. It was so overwhelming at first that he almost didn't notice the amount of physical pain holding him down.

He was lying on the ground. It felt cold and bumpy and he could feel something warm around him. He was face down, and he instinctively began to reach up for where his glasses should be. Angus barely moved his hand before his body was wracked with numerous bolts of pain that threatened to take his mind away again. He couldn't even scream. He felt tears falling from his tightly closed eyes and a sob ripped through him. He tried to force himself to concentrate on the sensations around him, to try and find something to cling on to and force himself to be stable through the pain. The warmth around him...it felt like a liquid. It oozed around him like a blanket as he felt something cold settle into his chest. Blood.

His blood.

Memories tried to seep back. He was with his friends. They were sent out to investigate rumors of a warlock near Neverwinter claiming to raise...something? Taako was talking to the others about the magic lessons. He had been bragging about his protege and embarrassing Angus to no end. Magus was laughing and slapped a hand on Angus's back as a sign of congratulation. Merle rolled his eyes but couldn't hide the glimmer of surprise as he looked to the boy. Then he looked shocked. Horrified. Angus felt something fall into him with a cold thud. It was like he was being engulfed and pulled into the ground. There were screams.

Oh god. They were screaming his name.

The footfalls were near his head now. Angus turned his head as slowly as he could to prevent himself passing out from the pain again and cracked his eyes open as much as he could. Everything was a mass of moving shapes with no forms and dark clouds bordered his vision. He could see the bright purples of Taako's robes. A short shape nearby was sending bolts of light outwards. Nothing seemed to have a real shape.

The screams were right above him. A large mass blocked out his line of sight as someone kneeled down in front of him. He could almost feel the hand on his back. It was shaking.

“-ngo!”

He felt the little grip he had on the world start to fall through. He wanted to hang on. He didn't want to leave his friends.

“-LD ON! AN-”

There was something about this pain that made him think that...somehow, he deserved this.

\-----

Angus remembered something he hadn't thought of for a very long time. It was a time when he was still with his parents. He had tried very hard to forget as much about those few years as he could, to tell himself that he was stronger and better without them. That he didn't need those terrible things holding him back and making him weaker than he was.

But now he couldn't stop them all flooding back. He remembered the pain. He remembered waking up on the ugly marble flooring, cold and unforgiving as ever. The massive form of his father stood at the counter, not looking at what he had done. Angus slowly sat up, feeling the world around him swim from the sensation of moving. A hand held to his head came back wet. He saw the shoe still in his father's hand, the metal heel of it dripping with something.

A shout from behind him and he turned to see his mother. She wasn't shouting at his father, but at Angus. How dare he come home so late. He was off playing his fucking games again. They had gotten a letter from the constable. What did he do this time?

Angus tried to stand up. He tried to explain that he was offered a job with the militia as an investigator. He watched his mother rip the letter and throw it on the ground. How dare he say such lies to them. How dare he leave such a mess on the floor.

His father had a bottle to his lips, saying nothing and placing the shoe back on his foot. He left the room without looking back. Angus yelled as his arm was grabbed and yanked upwards with such force that he heard something pop. His mother...did he even think of her as that anymore? Did he think of either of them as anything more than some unpleasant memory anymore? She pulled him into the main room. She warned him that if the neighbors heard him scream again...

Angus McDonald. Disgrace to his family and disappointment. Pretending to be something he wasn't and always falling short of just good enough for anything. He didn't deserve to live there. He didn't deserve their effort. He didn't deserve them. He didn't deserve anyone. All he deserved was the pain, the helplessness.

It was something he hadn't remembered in so long. Something he didn't need to remember. Something he didn't want to remember. Something he didn't want to associate with his life anymore. Something he told himself had happened to someone else, or maybe happened in a dream or in a book he read.

The books. Oh, the books! The smallest joy in life he could discover for himself! Something no one could beat out of him, something that no one could ever steal from him. He remembered surrounding himself in small childish walls constructed from the books in the library. It felt so safe surrounded by the people he felt cared about him, the characters from those wonderful things. The more he read, the stronger he would feel. The more confident Angus would feel. He wasn't afraid to be honest here. Sometimes he'd spend days in the library. It was one of the few rooms in the house that didn't have his bl-

No...no he didn't want to associate that room with any of that. It was the only good memory he had. It was the only time in his life he remembered feeling safe and wanted, even if he was only lying to himself. He didn't deserve any of those feelings.

\-----

Angus shivered. The warm embrace around him seemed to squeeze tighter, enveloping him to stave off the rattles coursing through his frame. He wasn't lying down anymore. The pain was still there but it didn't try to tear away at his mind this time. Breathing was difficult and he almost panicked, thinking he couldn't remember how to get air inside him. His chest was heaving, every gasp falling through him and echoing painfully. Each gasp for air was like trying to remember a dream after waking up, just out of reach. He felt hands try to sooth his back. The warmth grounded him, coaxing him to slow down and stop trying to force himself to gasp. A deep, wet sickening cough ripped through him and he could faintly taste metal.

He didn't want to be awake. He didn't want to hear them say his name, trying to calm him and remind him he wasn't alone. That he was going to be okay. He could hear the tears on the edges of the voices. He knew he had done nothing to deserve any of that. He could hear someone's deep, calm heartbeat in his ear. Angus could recognize the arms holding him now as none other than the arms of his friend Magnus. He was cradling him close, shaking slightly. Was Magnus afraid? Was he hurt? Oh god, were his friends hurt because of him? Oh god. Panic was threatening to erupt from his chest again at the thought of anyone suffering because of him.

He swallowed dryly. “... _s...sirs_...”

A hand on his head. Taako. “Shh. Shut your mouth, bubbala. Everyone's here. Everything is ok.” Angus heard his voice hitch slightly. Taako's face was right next to his now and he felt the elf's words caress him as the fingers combed his hair slowly. “Don't worry. Ch'a'boy's here my dude, you got nothing to worry for.”

A grunt and Taako's face was moved away. Angus whined slightly, missing the comfort of his friend, but the hand didn't leave his head. A new pressure was on his chest. It was rough and heavy. Another hand gently held Angus's limp arm and moved it to his lap, patting it gently. The pressure on his chest lightened and grew warm.

Angus heard Magnus speak through his chest. The deep, gruff voice sounded so unusually tired. Scared even. “Merle...is he...”

An affirmative grunt, followed by a chuckle Angus was barely familiar with. He realized the only time he ever heard Merle laugh was at his own expense, but this one almost sounded...relieved. “It ain't perfect, but he's not going anywhere now. Sorry ya won't be seeing that boy-toy of yours today, ears.”

A thud and a groan of pain from Merle. Magnus shook with a forced laugh. Then it turned into a sob. Angus felt himself pulled closer and a face against his. He felt the coarse sideburns against his cheek and it made him feel something warm in his soul. The hair was wet with something. Magnus was crying now, right into the chest of the boy. Someone else was sobbing quietly. A new sound began to approach from above that Angus struggled to recognize and almost placed it, but felt something slowly wash over him from the hand in his hair. He was losing the fight to stay aware again. Something pressed against his forehead gently. A kiss?

“Don't fight it, bubbala. You got disadvantage on this one.”

Of course, Taako was right.

\-----

There was another time he remembered pain. But, this one wasn't a memory he tried to suppress. He was lying on a grass ditch, bringing broken lenses back to his eyes and look upwards. He shot up a hand with a thumbs up gesture. Angus jumped to his feet and ran after the train, seeing his other friends make the same jump. Magnus wasn't getting back up but he had that lame, goofy smile on his face that he always had when he rushed in. Merle rolled down next, spitting out grass and dirt from his mouth and waddling towards the downed fighter. Taako landed with more grace than any living thing should show, as was his M.O.

Then, Angus laughed. Some of it was from relief, that nervous laugh that happens when you feel the adrenaline of almost dying again. But, some of it was real happiness.

Real, _deserved_ happiness.

He couldn't remember when he last felt that.

\-----

“-er expecting us from the look've it. Maybe that informant of ours needs to have a visit from uh-from the _HR team_.”

“Of course, stumpy here means we need uh...to _kill_ them.”

“And then kill them s'more.”

“Mags, I don't think that's quite possible.”

“I have two fists – I can kill them twice! It's basic math.”

“Yeah ok so, madame...ma'am, my big friend here would like to fist them to death.”

Angus felt disoriented. His body was filled with aches and sore over every inch and his head felt like it was full of metal. The last thing he remembered was being held by Magnus but now he felt like he was on something soft and artificial. Moving his right hand and clenching his fingers, he felt bedsheets under them. He tried to move his other hand, the one that felt limp before. He found it held in place and small, sharp pains tingled around it when he wiggled. He tried to stay silent, but a small whimper escaped him before he could stop himself.

The conversation over him stopped. There was shuffling and a weight pressed down on the bed near him. “Boychick? You with us there, homie?”

He let his eyes flicker open slowly, almost afraid to see where he was again. The light was almost blinding, but it held a familiar warmth that Angus knew belonged to the Bureau. He blinked the world into focus, or as much as he could without his glasses. Were they broken? He didn't even remember when he last had them on. He moved his head slightly to look at Taako, who reached over and ran a soft hand over the boy's head. It was slightly painful, but the affection was so comforting that he didn't notice.

“M...m-morning, sirs.”

Taako's whole frame just seemed to slacken as a wide smile washed over his face. A relieved sigh came from behind him and Angus could almost make out the form of the Director, a hand held over her heart as she breathed in. It was almost like she had been holding her breath.

In a split second he was surrounded, burly arms engulfing him, hands patting his shoulders and head. Magnus was almost to tears again as he gripped Angus softly and laughed with relief and Merle stood beside Taako, showing uncommon affection by taking the boy's free hand in his soulwood grip and smiling under his beard. It was overwhelming, but Angus soaked it all in. There was a safety and warmth in it all that he craved. He started sobbing for a reason he wasn't quite sure of and Magus loosened his grip, helping him sit up slowly and checking that his embrace didn't irritate his bandaged arm. Taako held something out to him and Angus took it carefully, seeing that it was his glasses.

“T-thank you, sir.” He carefully put them on and realized the side of his head had a soft wrap around it. He blinked the world into view and saw the three (rather battle damaged) faces of his good good friends smiling at him. “Are you-you all a-alright, sirs?”

Merle laughed. “Kid, are you fucking serious right now? Y'see any of US lying in a damn-”

“What he MEANS-” Taako limply placed his hand over Merle's face and shoved him back, ignoring his protest. “-is that you're the one we should be asking that, kemosabe.”

Angus furrowed his brow and held his head lightly. He remembered being hit with...something? “I'm sorry I don't...r-really remember what happened, s-sirs...”

Magnus laughed and put a comforting hand on his shoulder, shaking him slightly. “Ango, you took a direct hit from a fuckin' level four spell from a mother fucking warlock! The fact you're even lookin' at us right now is a goddamn miracle!”

Eyes widening, Angus could feel panic rise from his stomach. “Oh my god, I'm sorry sirs! I-I-I should have b-been more aware I-I should h-have – oh god I-”

“Woah woah, hold the bus there Agnus,” Taako interrupted, hands held up to stop the boy. “You're goin' fifty five in a school zone, my guy. You ain't got a fuckin' thing to be apologizing for.”

Merle managed to wiggle his way in front of Angus again and smirked. “Yeah kid, ain't your fault that dirty bastard what told us about that fuckin' warlock was workin' with him in the first place.”

“Yeah, homie and his gang was waitin' for us the whole time it seemed...”

“Nothin' you did to deserve feeling guilty over.”

Angus could feel tears working up into his eyes again, but a hand reached up and wiped them away with a thumb. He turned to look at Magnus, who held his face gently and gave him a sympathetic smile. His eyes looked red and and tired and Angus felt guilt seep into him, coaxing more tears to appear.

Magnus shook his head and chuckled. “It ain't your fault, Ango. We're just glad...” He made eye contact with the other two boys and looked back at Angus. “...just glad you're still with us.”

The waver in Magnus's voice was enough to break the dam. The tears were flowing from Angus freely now and his body shuddered with a sob as he flung himself at the warrior, throwing his arm around him as best as he could. He still hurt all over, but it was nothing he wouldn't be able to forget about later. He just wanted to hold his friends and not let go.

Magnus sat up closer on the bed, making it easier for Taako and Merle to reach the boy and share a group hug together as they all had their own quiet sobs. Even Merle had to remove his glasses to wipe off a tear or two (even if he thought Angus didn't see it – which he did. World's greatest detective and all that.)

After what seemed like hours, but somehow still not long enough, the tres horny boys loosened their grips on him and Taako immediately started divulging an elaborate plan, not missing a beat. “Okay, so we gonna find the fucker that set this shit up and Magnus is gonna fist 'em to death.”

“Twice.” Magnus nodded with a devilish grin.

“Please don't say it like that, sir.”

Lucretia cleared her throat, and the four of them turned toward her. Angus could see her eyes were slightly red as well and it almost made him feel...happy. To feel that she cared about him as well, although he knew she wouldn't be so quick to break composure as the boys were. She stepped towards the bed and spoke with diligence as always, though the boy detective could barely hear the wavering underneath the grandeur.

“Now, as I was beginning to explain to the three of you, we have already taken them into our custody. I assure you, he's being seen to as we speak.” She smiled at Angus, wiping a stray tear from her cheek and straightening her shoulders. “If Killian leaves the bastard alive, you boys are more than welcome to...well, to... _hurt_ him.”

“Fist him.”

“I'm not going to say that and you can't make me.”

Angus laughed as Magnus turned and winked at him. “I'll get her to say it.”

“I highly doubt it and if you keep trying I won't let you f-” Magnus opened his mouth in a wide grin when the Director caught herself and cleared her throat before continuing. “...I won't let you give him _ouchies_ , as we say.”

The two of them started to playfully argue as Taako sat back against the pillows and held Angus against his side, never letting his hand leave the boy's curls. Merle was starting to offer his services for the interrogation, waving his bible up at the Director. Taako waved his hand and blew a raspberry at him, settling closer to the boy and allowing him to lean into his arm. Magnus was laughing and comparing them to a bickering old couple as the Director just shook her head and rubbed a hand down her face, trying to hide her encroaching smile as she watched.

Angus couldn't help but smile himself. This was what he wanted to remember now. Being safe and comfortable with his friends. Real friends. Not just the ones on paper that he would hide behind. The friends that would stand beside him, hold him, protect him. The friends that would offer to somehow find a way to fist someone to death twice for him. The friends that made him feel like he...deserved their love. His eyelids began to droop as he listened to the happy voices around him, giving him a feeling of belonging he relished in.

This is what he wanted to remember. This was his new happy memory. He was Angus McDonald, Boy Detective, and he was surrounded by people who cared about him. He deserved them.

He fell into a comfortable sleep against Taako, dreaming only of his friends.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hey this is the first thing I've written in almost a decade I appreciate any and all criticism! Also I'm really tired.


End file.
